10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Avoid

BY KATHERINE HURST

earning how to use the Law of Attraction is as much as about increasing your self-knowledge as it is about learning specific techniques and skills. Consequently, maintaining the right mindset for manifestation requires self-worth, a positive social environment and a high EQ—in other words, emotional intelligence.

While scientists and psychologists think some people might be genetically predisposed to a higher EQ, there’s also encouraging evidence that you can actively change and shape it. And one of the best places to start is by examining and regulating certain emotionally toxic behaviors. Here are ten major ones to avoid, and advice about what to do instead.

1. Emotional Repression

Firstly, and most obviously, emotionally intelligent people don’t push away their feelings—even the unpleasant ones. They’re in tune with everything from joy to fury, anxiety and ambivalence, and they let themselves truly experience the whole gamut of emotions. To enhance your capacity to do this, schedule a simple daily mindfulness exercise in which you ask “How do I feel?” and let the unfiltered reality flow through you.

2. The Drama Triangle

Explained by a Stephen Karpman, a therapist who played a major role in shaping transactional analysis theory, the Drama Triangle illustrates three positions you can take when it comes to responsibility and conflict–and all of them are generally avoided by the emotionally intelligent person. Taking the “victim” role robs you of your power and also of your accountability. Meanwhile, being a “persecutor” makes you controlling, blaming and critical–a thoroughly negative way to be. Finally, while it might sound good to adopt the “rescuer” role, you actually focus all your energy on others as a way of avoiding your own issues. Monitor the roles you take in your relationships, and strategize ways to step out of the drama triangle when it arises.

3. Uneven Power Dynamics

Relatedly, focus on forming bonds with people who treat you as equals, and who you treat as equals. Emotionally intelligent people know that letting others control or talk down to them erodes self-esteem and agency, while surrounding yourself with people who look up to you and never challenge you will hinder your growth. Your real allies will engage in reciprocal, respectful relationships and help you along your path to manifesting a better life.

4. Self-Absorption

There’s a fine line between introspection and counterproductive navel-gazing—and the emotionally intelligent person knows how to walk it. Check in with your feeling, explore the underlying beliefs and assumptions that drive them, but don’t get so lost in your inner world that you fail to notice or appreciate the outer one.

5. “Buying” Regard

You can get people to spend time with you by giving them things and doing favors, but this way of relating to others sends out the message that you are only worth what you contribute. To be happy and to vibrate on the right frequency for manifestation, you need to know you’re worthy just for being you. Bring your authentic self to the table, and those who deserve to know you will love you regardless of whether you’re “useful.”

6. Pressure to Conform

All around you, there will be people telling you to be a certain way, follow a certain career path or want specific things. In the long-term, emotional intelligence requires resisting this pressure, and instead looking to your own core values to determine the road you’ll walk. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain—you’re more likely to regret conforming than you are to regret breaking free.

7. Fruitless Conflict

While it’s good to stand up for yourself and be direct in communication, it’s emotionally smart to avoid becoming embroiled in fights that go nowhere. Pick and choose your battles according to what truly matters—don’t waste your energy on bickering or on jealous competitions, and save that power for positive interactions instead.

8. Gossip

Gossiping is another type of negative interaction that’s best avoided. It’s pointless at best and harmless at worst, and it marks you out as the sort of person who can’t be trusted. Emotionally intelligent people strive for deeper, more meaningful conversations rather than focusing on rumors, and they’re mindful of the fact that words can wound.

9. Over-Extending

Saying “yes” to everything that’s asked of you will only drain and destroy you. Do find ways to give back to your community and to the world, but know when you need to set aside time for recharging and rejuvenating your soul. It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself—it’s smart, and it’s necessary.

10. Seeking Approval

Finally, emotionally intelligent people have moved on from the need to ask others to sign off on every action or belief. When you want something, have the courage of your convictions and go ahead and pursue it! Learning how to validate yourself leads to stable self-confidence, a positive outlook and a strong heart that can achieve anything it sets out to do.

Source: http://www.thelawofattraction.com/10-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-avoid/

Overthinking Everything? Use This Strategy to Get Out of Your Head

Mel Robbins

October 3, 2016

Overanalyzing every decision you make is a terrible habit to fall into. We’re all guilty of it. Our feelings of uncertainty drive us to overthink. Collecting more data and noodling about every potential outcome might make you think you are advancing toward a goal when you’re really just spinning your wheels.

Our subconscious drives 95 percent of our decisions, according to Gerald Zaltman, a Harvard Business School professor emeritus, who studied consumer-buying patterns. How you feel about the decision stalls your progress. If you feel uncertain about choosing, guess what? You’ll just keep thinking about it. The project or business doesn’t start until you do.

The first step is taking control. Despite what you might think, you are always ready to start. If you make the wrong decision at some point, you can adjust. You don’t have to know all of the answers, you just have to start and then you’ll figure them out.

Richard Branson is a great example of someone taking action. He had never flown a plane and didn’t know anything about engineering them, but he started an airline regardless.

How?

It’s simple: He started his business and then figured it out along the way. If Branson tried to think his way to starting a company, he’d still be in his head. Instead, 22 years and nearly $3 billion later (he sold Virgin America for $2.6 billion this year) his airlines are leading the world in aeronautic innovation and commercial spaceflight.

Try the following strategy. It takes less than a minute and will help you break analysis paralysis.

What would my idol do?

Early in my media career, as I was trying to break into the business and build a platform from scratch, I was constantly uncertain. I devised a simple strategy that helped me ignore my feelings of self-doubt so I could make important calls. I picked someone I admired and thought about what she would do in my situation.

I chose Martha Beck, an author and Oprah Winfrey’s life coach. I wanted to build a business and media platform similar to hers, write a magazine column, and build a training company. Whenever I was faced with a choice and I doubted myself, I asked, What would Martha Beck do? as a way to help me make decisions based on what I wanted, not how I felt.

Asking this question is a form of cognitive restructuring. By stopping your thoughts and asking yourself a question, you interrupt your emotions and can focus your mind.

Now the hard part. You need to do it. What would your hero do? No thinking. No reconsidering. No uncertainty—just push yourself. Trust me, you’ll figure it out from there.

Another tip: When in doubt, flip a coin. My Martha Beck strategy uses logic, but flipping a coin taps into your heart and soul. If you must choose between two things, label them Choice A (heads) and Choice B (tails).

As the coin flies in the air, you’ll secretly root for one or the other. That’s how you’ll know what you truly want.

Source: http://www.success.com/blog/overthinking-everything-use-this-strategy-to-get-out-of-your-head 

“Sleep On It”: The Power Of Our Dreams | Asha Gill

Here’s a little riddle for you:

What do Frankenstein, the structure of Benzene, James Cameron’s The Terminator, Dali’s Persistence of Memory, a sewing machine, the Periodic Table, Paul McCartney’s Yesterday and Jack Nicklaus’s winning golf swing, all have in common?

All of the above and millions of other creations, inventions, world-changing decisions and discoveries in medicine, art, music, history, film, sports and just about every field that requires human thought, have arisen through the world of dreams.

Literally, people through the ages have gone to bed and switched off the light, snuffed out a candle or turned away from the fire keeping them warm, then dozed off and woken with fragments of ideas to full blown solutions. All seemingly arisen out of nowhere from the slumbering depths of their dreams.

The only difference between Mary Shelley, Cameron or Dali and us, is that they used these insights, took action and created the reality of their dreams in their waking world.

Imagine if we could do that?

Well, it is not just possible, but already actually happening to us every single night. The only difference is that we aren’t paying enough attention to what our dreams are saying.

Let’s face it, most people “poo poo” dreams as nothing but nonsensical gibberish.

You hear people say, “Oh, I had the strangest dream last night,” and they go on to explain the absurd, have a laugh if it was funny, feel a little unnerved if it was odd or even scary, but nothing more comes after this except for a dismissive “Oh well” before they move on to the next agenda for the day.

But what if your dreams were actually messages from you — to you?

What if all your dreams were trying to tell you something significant, important, a warning, a reminder or even give you that answer to a question you have been mulling over?

Perhaps all the guidance, advice, truth and help you are so desperate to get from your higher self or even your intuition — which you find so hard to feel or hear — are helping you at night, in your sleep, when you aren’t being so controlling?

The difficulty comes from the fact that our “sleeping” brain uses metaphors and images as a form of communication whilst our “waking” brain uses language. So there seems to be a disconnect until you take a closer look at how the two are part of the same “24-Hour Mind” that you use and they are in fact your partners in crime!

Your “sleeping brain” can’t talk to you, lest you start fearing nightly possession, worry you’re next if a resurrection of the Salem Witch trials comes around, or worse — you are going insane (also considered by some to be the Devil’s work 

So what your “sleeping” brain does is simply this:

Pulls a collage of images that you will recognize into a constructed sequence to tell a story that you will be able to decipher. Kind of like your own personal hieroglyphs a-la-modern picture flash cards. It will use snippets from movies, bring up certain emotions and put them into play by adding people, animals, a song, settings and places, things from the past and some seriously odd additions — like in one of my dreams — a melting sandwich of jam and gooey oozing cheese that I was unsuccessfully eating in the middle of a meeting with my boss.

This is why we think they are ridiculous and don’t deserve attention because they are so “whack,” “out-there,” or “wrong.”

When in fact, they are evidence of how crazily creative we truly are, that we have pulled together such a fantastic and realistic movie message just for us that screams for attention.

The only bummer is that we forget most of our dreams upon waking. However, that is often remedied with a simple journal and a pen.

If you’re still not convinced about looking into your dreams further, let’s just go to a very common phrase that is always bandied about:

“Sleep on it.”

I am sure you have said this or told someone else to do this. At that time, it might have been an off-handed comment to buy some time or create a distance between needing an answer now so you can give a more considered one later.

But seriously, think about this phrase, “‘Sleep on it.” Where did it come from?

To a large degree whilst it’s common to dismiss dreams, we don’t dismiss the idea of sleep being the provider for solutions, clarity, and therefore inspiration. We just don’t connect the dots of dreams + solutions.

Aha! You see that gap? So when sleep helps us get to the answers, we readily gobble up the solutions and off we go with them, never wondering where they came from.

And usually, it’s because we can’t remember our dreams, that we have forgotten where our ideas actually came from.

Let’s use Elias Howe, the man who invented the Sewing Machine, as an example, 

In 1845 Elias Howe had an idea about creating a machine that would use a needle to stitch a piece of cloth, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out the head nor tail of how it would work.

Then one night he had a nightmare about a group of cannibals who grab him and take him outside, where they danced around him and then, one by one, started stabbing him to death in a most gruesome frenzy!

Because this was a dream, instead of dying, he noticed the holes they were puncturing into him from the thrust and angle of the spear. When he woke up, he knew exactly how to create his machine.

Maybe he remembered the dream because it was so scary, but, say you didn’t remember the thrusting of spears because you just remember a nightmare about cannibals. Later on, as you sat at your desk, taking up yesterdays problem and trying to figure out how it would work, the solution might just “pop” into your head, seemingly out of nowhere!

You think you’re lucky, but actually, you are smarter and more creative than you could ever imagine, because you provided the right answer for yourself — you just don’t realize it yet.

Our dreams are a great barometer to what’s really happen with us — emotionally, mentally, in our relationships and life.

They help us see what we are really afraid of, what we really need and how to fix certain things. Most importantly, though, our dreams are a way to get to know ourselves so much better.

Knowing ourselves well leads to having a more authentic life, a stronger connection with our intuition and so much more self-belief! And when you get really good at this, you can go to bed at night with a problem and relax, knowing that by the morning, you are well on your way to the solution. How amazing is that?

So give your dreams a chance by embracing your inner artist, scientist, mad inventor. Don’t just keep a daily diary. Get yourself a special journal and pen for your dream diary. Keep it by your bedside and the minute you wake up, whenever that is, jot down the first things or images that come to your head. Try to capture the message you have for yourself.

Remember, even our nightmares, just like Elias Howe’s, may have some very amazing information for us.

— Asha Gill, Host of Mindvalley: Spirit & Soul

Source: http://blog.mindvalleyacademy.com/spiritual-growth/power-of-dreams-asha-gill

5 Steps to Achieve the Life You’ve Always Dreamed Of

Pazit Perez

January 9, 2017

Consider this: Only 8 percent of the population will achieve their New Year’s resolution.

So why do we keep writing resolutions year after year expecting different results, despite the high failure rates? Sounds more like Einstein's definition of insanity.

Most of us fail to achieve our resolutions because unless we establish a clear and precise picture of who we want to be and what we want to do or have, it will never come to pass. You’ll keep on drifting aimlessly in your self-fulfilling prophecy, settling for who you see you are instead of believing in who you can become, never realizing your full potential and eventually giving up on your resolutions before you reach the finish line.

Aren’t you ready for a fresh approach this year?

It starts by creating a vision of who you want to become. Seeing is believing, so walk by sight and believe that your best days are ahead of you. Ready?

1. Picture your future.  

Anyone who’s achieved anything in this world started with a vision. Create a picture of who you’re becoming, not who you are today. Think of who you want to be and what you want to do or have. Imagine what it would look, feel, sound, taste and smell like. Snap that photograph of yourself according to your vision.

2. Focus on your potential.

Whatever you focus on expands, so shift your focus on your potential and the upsides of life, not your problems and the downsides. Seeing is believing, so now that you can see it, you can believe in the person you’re becoming. That picture becomes the new point of focus, your target, your measurable destination. Now you know exactly where you’re going.

3. Stick with it.

Keep your eyes on the prize. Never let your environment, other people’s beliefs or the limits of what has been done in the past shape your decisions. Even in the face of doubt or controversy, stick with it no matter what. Do not give up regardless of the difficulties you will face.

4. Walk in the direction of your vision.

Now that you know where you’re going and who you’re becoming, take daily action in the direction of your vision until you pick up momentum. Think of your vision as your destination and take steps in the direction of your vision. 

5. Be it.

All the cumulative actions, thoughts and behaviors will lead you in accomplishing your journey to be the person you created in the photographs. Live it.

Source: http://www.success.com/blog/5-steps-to-achieve-the-life-youve-always-dreamed-of

Recondition Your Mind For Success by Tony Robbins (Motivational Video)

Another great video from the master of personal development!

Tony Robbins, Frank Kern and John Reese on the Most Important Skill of A...

Such a great video about most important skill of achievers!!

8 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

Sometimes, it just feels like nothing in your world is going right. However, whether you’re suffering from ill health, encountering setbacks in your career or nursing a broken heart, it’s possible to connect with gratitude and transform your attitude.

After all, happiness is not found in the absence of problems but in the ability to deal with problems. Here are 8 things to remember the next time you feel like everything has gone wrong.

1. Pain Helps You Grow

Although pain is challenging, it never comes into your life without a purpose. So often, it’s a sign that you need to move forward in some way—even though it can be very challenging to leave outdated parts of your life behind. In addition, remind yourself that pain isn’t a sign of failure.

On the contrary, most great success stories involve bearing pain along the way. Pain can hurt you and it can change you, but you can find personal growth in both types if you stop resisting them and instead ask what they have to teach you. Everything will come together in the end.

2. Nothing Is Permanent

Just as the rain always stops and darkness follows light, healing always follows hurt. Don’t make the mistake of imagining that your pain will last forever—nothing does, whether it’s good or it’s bad. Every passing moment is a new chance to make the best of your life, and to enact huge changes.

Accepting the impermanence of everything helps you to let go of your own intentions in a way that helps the universe give you what you really need. Plus, just because you’re struggling with a challenge doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to laugh and smile.

3. You Can’t Change Anything By Worrying

It’s easy to obsess over painful events in your life, but you can only find happiness when you turn away from complaining about your problems and move towards being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

There’s compelling evidence to suggest that the people who spend the most time worrying actually accomplish the least. Instead of doing nothing and fretting about things out of your control, ask what you can control and attempt to do something great with the resources you have.

4. Be Proud Of Your Scars

Your scars can be sources of pride—they’re symbols of your inner strength. When you’re scarred, you know that a wound has closed. In other words, you suffered pain, learning something from it, were resilient enough to recover, and began to move forward.

Don’t let your scars evoke fear, or feel paralyzed that you might gain more scars in the future.  Those who have endured pain are among the strongest people there are, and your scars prove you can handle anything life throws at you.

5. Struggles Are Steps Forward

Developing patience means being able to maintain a positive attitude as you continually work hard to achieve your dreams. To accomplish great things, you’ll have to step out of your comfort zone—and when you step out of your comfort zone, you naturally encounter challenges that can sometimes feel like failures.

These tests of your determination can be helpfully viewed as steps on the road to success, however, and not signs that you’ll never make it to your desired destination.

6. You’re Not Responsible For The Negativity Of Others

Combat negativity with positivity—hold onto your idea of who you want to be, and refuse to be changed by those who are bitter, jealous or trying to use you to work through their own complex issues.

If you’re going to change, do so because you want to be better in some way, and are looking to cultivate a better future. There’s no way to make everyone else happy, so don’t waste your time trying. You only get one chance to live, so spend that time with people who understand reciprocity—people who treat you right, make you smile and build you up.

7. What’s Meant To Be Will Find A Way

Trust in the universe to bring you the right things. No amount of trying to force a certain outcome will make it happen, and doing so will only make you miserable and drive you crazy.

Stop doubting every step you take, and instead allow yourself to enjoy the way your life will unfold. It may not always develop in the way you thought it would, but it will take you to where you need to go.

8. Keep Going At All Costs

Finally, when you catch yourself thinking that everything has gone wrong, don’t be afraid to get right back up and try again. Whether trying again involves daring to dream, trying to find love or starting a whole new career, don’t let your past pain harden your heart.

Although you may have to scramble to get out of your current rut, it can be done—and you will do it! Just know that very often, you have to go through the worst life has to offer in order to eventually arrive at the very best.

Source: http://www.thelawofattraction.com/8-things-remember-everything-goes-wrong/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=condis-loa&utm_content=8-things-remember-everything-goes-wrong&postedon

BY KATHERINE HURST